With the many diverse cultures, languages, races, religions on this Earth one experience remains constant within the human race. Every person in the course of their life will endure pain. It may be in the form of emotional or physical; We all have and will have the common experience of some form of suffering. For some, the pain experience is an occasional occurrence or annoyance. For others, it is a daily battle that not only wars with the body but also against the soul. One, that if fought in your own strength, could easily leave you hopeless, embittered, distrustful and full of resentment.
For the few of you who don't know, I have been living with a chronic severe back pain for the past five years. Within this past year the pain has progressed to the point that I can't no longer just grin and bear it, ignore it or even fake it. With great emotional hesitation, I have recently resigned from my job as an ICU nurse due to this issue. Living with chronic pain has affected my everyday life in so many ways. Everyday.
I am so blessed to have the most patient, understanding wonderful husband in the entire world. He is such a treasure to me words can not express. I don't really understand totally why God has allowed this "thorn" to remain even after countless times of pleading and asking him to remove it. I do however, know I have learned innumerable treasures and have experienced His deep tender benevolence during times of desperation in a deeper way than I could have ever have known because of my need for Him. You bet, I am still holding out for healing.
The following is a poem I wrote while experiencing one of the most intense extended periods of physical suffering. This blog post is in no means intended to be a downer! It is my intent to be truthful,real and hopefully encourage anyone who is desperate for healing and/or miracle and is in the process of waiting.
Earthen Vessel
When all in life that brings status, recognition or praise
is stripped away..
When enduring pain turns into suffering unable to be stilled
by modern medicine or comforted by the human hand.
When we come to the understanding we are mere men;
Dependent on the provision, direction and healing of
a merciful, loving and powerful God.
It is in that quiet place of wholehearted surrender
We lay it all at The Master's Feet.
It is with steadfast devotion, we have the chance
to participate in a glimpse of His sufferings.
It is with the same hope we have the promise of
The Resurrection
To be changed, set free,healed,restored, made new again.
But for me,the greatest of these, to finally see
The One who gave all to set me free.
To touch the face that brought me through this life
To hold the hands of The One who thoughtfully formed me.
To wrap myself in the arms that carried me when my
strength was no more.
To Look in to His eyes and sing Him a new song
as I have done so many times before.
Until That Great Day, I wait....
Longing for Him, breathing in this jar of clay.
Seeking daily with the hope to find His will
Listening for the voice that whisper springs of life to my soul
Fill me Lord, more of your living Word!
Trusting His promises will never fail.
Knowing He is good, even when life's experiences are not.
Desperate above all, only one thing I need
is to be even closer to my LORD.
Who may I show your love while waiting on you today?
Knowing it is a time such as this, you chose for your servant.
Hoping with the passing of each day I will look more like you,
love more like you.
This is the offering this broken earthen vessel has to bring.
A vessel with the hope will be rebuilt to resemble her King.
-Angie Schumaker
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